British Election Analysis

Nick Clegg - RESIGNED
Nick Clegg gave a great old debate that won him the hearts and minds of the British voters last time out. Once in government, he made one serious mistake: Doing away with his "Not a child in the house washed" initiative, where he charged 18-22 year olds a hefty fortune to grow brains in their ears.

Photo by Mattbuck.

David or Ed Miliband - GONE

More lefty than his brother Ed or David, David or Ed Miliband was a part of Roy Chubby Brown's cabal of monstrous madmen, but he was the cute one. Since becoming leader, he has shown a steely resolve in staying leader, even though he is a geek. Not any more!


The resident warmup act for the European Parliament, Nigel showed gumption by pretending his party wasn't racist, and sacking candidates and MPs who were a bit racist. Blummin' racists. After all, we are each and every one of us humyn beings.*

*But then, the party unburied him and took him to hyper-eugenicists in Argentina, revivified him to maximum, fixed his broken back and said "You have to be our leader. We are incompetents, my liege! [Hisssssss]"

Ed Balls - FUCKED

Ed Balls was a nasty Machiavellian wannabe-Mandelson. He wasn't gay enough, he wasn't slim enough and he reduced Brown to a paranoid lump of one-eyed jelly before failing to win the last election. Goodbye, Ed! And you can't have Balls without Cable. Ergo:

Vince Cable - BREADED

When sueptoheptohoctogenarian Merengzienauxxx (pron: MING) Campbell resigned as leader of the Persil Democratics, Vince Cable became a strong temporary leader. On reaching government, he was given the role of Minister for Doin' the Bizz! Now, he's been converted into a baker's loaf, still strong enough to be used as a door stopper, but not much use to anyone.