Santa’s Last Stand (Part Three)Part Two here.
Me Ma didn’t answer him. She’s still asleep, you could tell by her breathin’. I couldn’t believe that Santy knew me Ma, but when I think about it now, a lot of men know me Ma. I’s very quiet then as he stood up straight again. Then I think he must’ve seen me in the corner of his eye, lookin’ at him from the door, but he didn’t say nothin’ to me. He started actin’ more like Santy, playin’ it up for me.
Ho ho ho, he says, in a deep voice. I think he puts on an act for the kids most of the time. He reached into his sack and then I could see it comin’ out in his hand. Blood Lust 2! He put it down beside the Christmas tree and says ho ho ho again. I’s very quiet then. He reached into his sack and he pulled out a Steven Gerrard Liverpool jersey! Number 17, his old number. Gerrard’s me favourite player but there’s all these stories goin’ round about him movin’ to the Blues. I hope he stays at Anfield. He says he doesn’t want to move. He likes bein’ captain too much. But if he does move to the Blues he’s a Judas and I won’t like him any more. Santy stopped bendin’ down at the Christmas tree and went over to the mantelpiece where the can of Dutch Gold was waitin’ for him. I turned round and creeped back out the door. I snuck back very quietly to the stairs. I heard the hiss of Santy openin’ his can. I’s goin’ to get as much off Santy as I could for Christmas. I snatched the axe off the wall and I peeped in and seen Santy holdin’ his head back as he drank the Dutch Gold, his throat bobbin’ in and out, in and out, as he swallowed mouthful after mouthful. Now’s me chance to strike, I says to meself. I ran at him and swang the axe and Santy didn’t know what hit him. He let a roar out of him as the axe struck the back of his head and his hat came off a little bit but stayed on his head because the axe stuck the hat to his head, and there was dark hair there instead of white hair. There was a spurt of blood and a spray of beer burst out of his mouth and then he fell forward and the Dutch Gold rolled across the carpet, goin’ glug glug glug and Santy was makin’ a gurglin’ noise as he lay on the carpet. I picked up the sack and looked in to see all the toys and I pulled the first box out and it was a shoebox but there was nothin’ in it. I checked another box and it was empty too. There was old newspapers wrapped up into big balls in the sack too.
Who’d want an empty shoebox and an old newspaper for Christmas? I says to meself. I made so much noise rummagin’ in his sack and Santy was gurglin’ so loud that we woke me Ma up. She looked around the room in a bit of a daze, with her eyes half shut, and then she saw Santy lyin’ there next to the tree with all the blood and her eyes opened really wide and she let a scream out of her and she stood up and screamed again, and she put her hands on her forehead and looked at me and she screams Oh Jaysus Jim what have you done? And I tried to make her see that there’s nothin’ to worry about because Santy is only make-believe and he’s not real and anyway, but she just kept screamin’ and cryin’ at me, not makin’ any sense because she was in a fit of hysterics, bawlin’ her eyes out and bawlin’ at me.