How to Foster Cats Responsibly

Here are the top five (5) recommendations for responsible cat fostering from People for the Eu Thanizing of Animals :-()

1. IF THE CAT STANDS NEAR YOU NOT LOOKING AT YOU, IT MEANS THAT HE OR SHE IS INTERESTED IN YOU. THEY MAY BE GROOMING THEMSELVES WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD, GLANCING AT YOU OCCASIONALLY AS IF YOU'RE A TOTAL ****HEAD, BUT IT OFTEN MEANS THAT THEY WANT YOUR ATTENTION AND THEY'RE PLAYING HARD TO GET.

HOWEVER, IF YOUR CAT IS NOT AROUND, DO NOT GO LOOKING FOR THE CAT, FIND HIM HIDING IN A CARDBOARD BOX IN THE CLOSET, AND THEN CUDDLE HIM FOR THE NEXT HOUR.

2. THE BEST WAY TO FIND A WONDERFUL NEW HOME FOR YOUR MOGGY IS TO "PAINT THE BEST PICTURE". USE PHOTOSHOP TO REMOVE ANY UNSIGHTLY MARKS ON THE CAT, OR TO MAKE THEM SEEM LESS EXCITED THAN THEY USUALLY ARE.

THE BEST PETS ARE THOSE THAT ARE "NO TROUBLE" TO THEIR OWNERS - SO DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE GRAPHICS PACKAGES TO GIVE THIS IMPRESSION.

HERE'S AN ORIGINAL PHOTO OF TWO CATS BEING FOSTERED:
BELOW IS THE PHOTOSHOPPED VERSION OF THE SAME PHOTO, WITH THE RED EYE AND OTHER DETAILS FIXED SO THAT THE CATS SEEM LESS DEVILISH AND MORE "CHILLED".

3. IF YOUR FLATMATE IS A CHEF FROM NEAR WESTERN RUSSIA, AND YOU ARE IRISH (WITH A THICK DUBLIN ACCENT), DO NOT JOKINGLY TELL YOUR MISBEHAVING CAT "I'LL BURST YOU!" IN FRONT OF THIS SAME UKRAINIAN CHEF.

YOUR CHEF FLATMATE OF NO FIXED NATIONALITY WILL TAKE THE PROMPT TO "BORSCHT" THE CAT AS A COOKING INSTRUCTION. YOU MAY FIND ON RETURN HOME FROM WORK THAT THERE IS NO CAT CLIMBING ON YOUR KEYBOARD OR CHEWING THROUGH YOUR WIRES, BUT INSTEAD THERE IS A TASTY, FELINE-BASED STEW SIMMERING IN A POT ON THE COOKER.

4. THERE IS LITTLE FINANCIAL REWARD IN CAT FOSTERING, SO USE THE CAT LITTER TRAY TO PRACTICE YOUR GOLD PROSPECTING SKILLS.
SIFTING THROUGH CAT LITTER FOR POOP BEFORE DUMPING IT IS A LOT LIKE GOLD PANNING - YOU SHOVEL UP THE LITTER WITH A SPECIALLY DESIGNED SHOVEL WITH HOLES, AND YOU SHAKE GENTLY TILL YOU GET THE "NUGGETS". ONCE YOU HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE BEHIND YOU, YOU CAN MOVE TO THE ALASKAN WILDERNESS, AND START YOUR EXPLORATIONS FOR RARE EARTH METALS.

5. FINALLY, IF YOU FIND A STRAY CAT, PLEASE GAS IT RESPONSIBLY.