Oscar Pistorius facing manslaughter charge

Paramedic athlete Oscar Pistoffallovus has been cleared of murder but has been found guilty of manslaughter. He will be subsumed by a conglomeration of media commentators later today.

The leaky-faced snot goblin had trouble listening to Judge Thokozile Masipa, because his ears were covered in snot, as she cleared him of murder but decided that he had done something wrong. An ex-girlfriend - who said he was one nasty mofo and she hid his gun from him - shouted for people to wipe away the snot as the verdict was read out.

"One time," she said, "I hid his blades so that he couldn't run after me. Without his blades, he can only manage a stumpy half-effort at trying to catch somebody. But with his blades, he'll chase you down, and then he'll ride your ass, and then he'll spit you out, and then he'll bury you."

During the course of the trial, they performed a series of psycho and physical tests on Oscar Pistoffallovus, including an encephalephaluppagus, which is Latin to scan his brains.
The tests mean that the electricity in Oscar's brains was undermined by steroids making him mad as hell. He was found to be on the spectrum on the bell curve of profound anger, but crying like a gimpy snothead in the dock. Look at his snots. I HATE YOU OSCAR!