Dear Facebook...

Dearest Facebook:

Contacts in my email account that is not connected with Facebook have now been added to my list of People You May Know.

Can you please explain to me how that happened? What third party app or site did I sign up to, so that this could actually take place? Now my whole system is messed up, Facebook. Those email accounts and everything associated with them were supposed to be separate.

If the hitman I hired to kill my wife finds out that I am having an affair with his son, he will probably kill me before he kills her. Facebook, I need that insurance money and I want to live an authentic life! Stop ruining it for people.

Your etc,

Mr. Et Cetera.