H is for Health Queries answered AZ Blogging Challenge


Q.

If I mix a "good bacteria" rich yogurt drink with my morning Smoothie, it's absolutely delish! But I'm wondering if the citric acid in the Smoothie kills off the good bacteria in the yogurt drink? I'd take them as separate shots if that's the case - I just like the taste.


A.

The short answer to this question is Yes or No. But there is a reason this mix tastes so good, and it's Nature's Way of letting you know that you're on the right cocktail track - or as dieticians call it, the "cocktrail". It's not lewd or rude - this is just what it's called.

Yes, the good bacteria is destroyed by any bitter acid in the Smoothie as soon as contact is made between the two liquids. Citrus fruits contain "Critic Acid" - and it's not called Critic Acid for any old reason. Its very criticism destroys other things that are trying to grow.

However, once this bitter, critic acid attacks the bacteria, the corpses of the good bacteria are then transported through the gullet, where they rot and fester along the intestinal walls, ultimately flowering into a fungal "Zombie Miracle Shield".



Read more about the marvellous benefits of good bacteria from delicious yogurt drinks here!

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Q.

Unfortunately, I've developed a spotty rash on my hmmm hmmm. I went for tests and I discovered that I've been infected with a touch of How's-your-father?.

I only noticed - quite recently - a similar rash on my husband's dooh dah. He claimed that he hadn't played away, but I put two and two together, and I realised (after a bit of a sneaky snoop) that he's been conducting a number of affairs - some of them in our very marital bed! I went through his phone and I contacted as many of his conquests as I could to let them know that they ought to get tested for How's-your-father?. But how should I pursue the matter?

A.

You've painted quite a picture there! What you need to do is keep following the "cocktrail". It's not lewd or rude - it's just what the experts call it. Phone every other woman in his address book, and set up a strike team to beat your chap up! That way, he is unlikely to play away from home ever again.


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Q.

I am four stone over my healthy weight. I want to wear an amazing tuxedo, which I inherited from my grandfather. I've a wedding to attend in six months time where I will be best man - have you got any weight loss tips so that I can fit into that tux?


A.
Certainly! What I suggest you do is maybe think about losing a stone of weight every six weeks or so. That way - when it gets to the date of the wedding - you will be perfect! Problem solved!

NO MORE HEALTH QUERIES ANSWERED TOMORROW!