Canadian television serials mistaken for US TV shows
Every day - and night - millions of British and Australian subjects of Her Majesty are fooled into watching Canadian network dramas by mistake. The issue is becoming a growing problem. As they arrive home from work, and switch on their televisions, they are expecting imports from the United States of America. Instead, they are met with Canadian television imports - and because there are little differences in terms of accent and intonation, they are ultimately disappointed.
Even worse, Canadian dramas do not have to have a warning preceding the programming, marking it out as an inferior product.
However, a list of seven differences between the two kinds of shows have been drawn up by the Royal Office of Taste and Good Upright Trading (ROTGUT). The organisation's patron is Prince Philip.
It is hoped that British and Australian viewers will be able to spot the differences, and channel hop if they fear that they are watching Canadian shows.
Typical Canadian shows, according to ROTGUT:
1. HAVE a theme tune that features wind chimes.
2. ARE likely to be wholesome, but will lack the Christian tone of wholesome shows south of the border, aiming for more godless secularity.
3. MIGHT be a little TOO quirky - described by ROTGUT as "unsettling quirk, that appears to be related to budgetary constraints, rather than quirk for the sake of quirk".
4. CAN have fewer guns and violence. While American detectives are likely to pull out an Uzi, a Canadian gendarme will pull out his sock with a pool ball in it.
5. WILL be picked up again the following year after a first season run of 13 episodes.
6. WILL be on television at 2 or 3 am, instead of 9 or 10 pm.
7. CAN have rude language, even in wholesome programming. Not just
words like "bollocks" as found in American network shows, which make
British people look at their watch to see if it's really only 7.30 pm.
Canadian shows also have real cursewords that scare Americans - like
"shit"! NOTE: When the Americans say "We don't use bad language in
our programming" and then Chief O'Brien on Star Trek, or Spike on Buffy
says "BOLLOCKS WANKER BOLLOCKS!" this is language that falls under the
Queen's Very Rude Programming umbrella. Incidentally, when the VRP umbrella is rotated 180 degrees, it looks like the NBC peacock.