Fake Teacher fools her way into school

A 27 year old journalist who applied for substitute teaching roles at a number of schools - without qualifications or any form of police vetting - can now reveal that she gained unsupervised access to a classroom of seven- and eight-year-olds.

She spent a total of three hours masquerading as a substitute tutor. The headmaster of the school at which she found the work had got her details from an open jobseekers' site, on which she claimed to have a higher diploma to teach at primary school level. She doesn't.

Over the three hour time period, she didn't teach a single lesson to the children. Instead, she introduced spanking paddles - claiming them to be ball bats - and rocket shaped toys to her pupils, and went so far as to squeeze nine sets of buttocks and pinch three cheeks - only one of them facial.

She then got the class captain to handcuff a pair of her fellow students to each other and go to the corner and rub each other's noses, "Eskimo style". She subsequently encouraged the first child to swallow the handcuffs key, which had already been placed into a toasted cheese sandwich prepared by the entire class in a more than family-friendly, not safe for work fashion, using a portable camping stove which the "teacher" had sneaked into the class.

The journalist then used the same stove to heat up some wax, threatening to remove the hair from the belly of Peppers the class gerbil, getting the children to come to the top of the class to ask if they should "wax the fat mouse" while she licked her lips and winked. None of the children wanted to wax Peppers, some of them declining tearfully before being sent back to their seats.

After forcing some of her charges to write the words PLONKER, GUMMY CHOPS and POOPER FACE on the whiteboard with indelible markers, the journalist promptly left the classroom to return to her newspaper's offices, where she filed an exposé on her day.