Alarm reached crisis levels in the international community yesterday as it became apparent that the government of the United States of America has not been taking any calls since the beginning of the month. Diplomats from world nations are being directed to message minders, answering machines and a variety of autoresponders when they attempt to contact US officials. Many are asking if it is possible that a terrorist attack was so comprehensive on October 1st as to render the entire political system of the United States silent.
As people question how many senators and congressmen might have been killed in what is suspected to be a WMD attack of some description on the American capital city, it has been suggested that a NATO, British or Canadian squadron of fighters perform a flyover of Washington DC to discern how extensive the damage has been. However, none of them are keen to perform a reconnaissance operation over their ally for fear that members of the American public may use one of their many bazookas to attempt to shoot down the planes.
Not everyone believes that an attack has taken place.
At the BBC's new London news studios, UK Prime Minister David Cameron has been informing the British public that the US government is currently under what he calls:
"Secure shutdown lockdown shutdown superlockup lockout. They're not my words, Naga, but the words of a bombastic American official from the majority party in their houses of parliament, many of whom insist on scaremongering through the media, ever since the Bush administration. Bush! Bush! I meant Bush!"
"You said Bush."
"Did I? Oh thank goodness!"
"What did you think you had said, Prime Minister?"
"Was it...a synonym for Bush?"
"Of course not! Calm down, dear!"
Footage was then shown of Mr. Cameron leaving the studio looking flustered. However, a complaint has been made by the Prime Minister's office that it was actually footage of Mr. Cameron arriving, looking resolute and determined. As the footage was run backwards, it had the opposite effect.