Terrible Pub Jokes

One time I was in a pub that served pub food. After scanning the menu, I ordered a dish called Saucisse con Faglia. It sounded tasty. The waiter returned a few minutes later with a plate of three supermarket sausages and baked beans. I looked at the plate as it was placed before me.
"Is this some kind of a joke?" I asked him incredulously.
"No!" he replied.

*

Sister Agnes didn't know what to do when the convent closed down. She wandered into a pub where there was a Help Wanted sign. The manager gave her a job, and she soon learned that she had a natural talent for mixing drinks.

 Before long, she was winning cocktail-mixing contests, and she was the most popular employee in the pub, and - indeed - all of the other pubs, for miles around. In fact, she was the best bar nun.

*

A horse with a genetically modified brain and surgically altered vocal cords walks into a bar. The barman says: "Why the long face?"
The horse says: "I'm a horse!"
(See an extended remix of this joke here. REMIX MASHUP!)




*
I'm in that age category now where a lot of my friends and colleagues have found that they have alcohol problems. Where has the world gone wrong? Back in the 1980s, that was never the case.


*

"Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my pina colada!"
"Sir! Please step away from the exhibit. This is a modern art museum!"

*


In unrelated news, a quantum physicist based at CERN's Large Hadron Collider facility has had his brain scrambled after his finger and thumb gave the "god particle" a good squeeze. His colleagues claimed that he has "entered into an alternate dementia." One of his colleagues told me all about it last night IN THE PUB!


*
Q. Did you hear about the barman who had a disastrous appendectomy in the middle of a joke?
A. She's just coming around now, I'll ask her about it and get back to you!