The Mammoth Cooked Turkey of Turkey, TurkeyHere's a quick trick pop quiz for all you history buffs out there:
Is the capital of Turkey
If your answer is ALL THREE, because Istanbul was formerly Constantinople, and before that it was the centre of the Byzantine Empire, then you're still wrong, smart ass! Go study up on your capitals and you'll know that ANKARA is the capital of Turkey. What an idiot YOU are!
You heard that right, punk! Go ask your Momma! Ankara? Alaska! Da-a-a-amn straight!
And I'm willing to bet that you've never seen the Mammoth Cooked Turkey of Turkey, Turkey either.
As legend has it, when Alexander the Great was traveling into Turkey, he arrived at the border, and a terrible gobbling rent the air. The sound grew in volume and a huge bird (described as "five times an ostrich" by the historian Scipicus Africanus) charged at Alexander's phalanx. As dozens of his soldiers were thrown across the landscape, Alexander captured the beast through a lasso comprising the remains of the Gordion Knot.
He beheaded the animal and went to meet with local dignitaries, who wished to pay tribute.
And this is where the expression:
"While Alexander plays politics, his men whittle a spit"
The men - starving and thirsty from their long campaign - hauled the turkey over a massive spit they had whittled, and cooked the last known Mammoth Turkey over a fire.
Alexander returned to his men, and enraged that they had not retained the giant bird as a trophy, ordered them to haul the huge beast to the road, and construct the massive Arch of Poultros, and to glaze the turkey in a laminate so that it would be forever protected from the elements.
So here - to this day - remains the last of the Mammoth Turkeys.
See all the other amazing places here, here, and here!