Angelina Jolie falls for Aniston's practical joke

In a bizarre act of vengeance almost five years in the planning, Jennifer Aniston has successfully engineered a double mastectomy on her Hollywood adversary and love rival Angelina Jolie.


Photo courtesy Tom Sorensen

Aniston has fled to Canada with on-off-on boyfriend John Mayer, amid claims that she employed a Los Angeles based genetics laboratory to "do a total fake-up" of Jolie's genetic profile.

Aniston is now believed to have fled to a log cabin resort in Prince George, British Columbia, showing a "detached curiosity" over whether her latest twisted jape will be discovered by the mainstream media.

Aniston is said to have paid a genetics research institute over $100,000 to falsify data pertaining to her Oscar winning love rival.

Based on the false testing, Jolie's doctors then unwittingly recommended removal of her breasts, and subsequent reconstructive surgery.



Jolie underwent the treatment, although she only had a twelve percent chance of receiving a breast cancer diagnosis in her lifetime. She had been informed by medical professionals - who had looked at the faulty data - that her chances of cancer were much higher, at 87 percent.

Jolie had been informed that she had a BRA1 gene with high cancer risk.

A team of surgeons at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center had confirmed recommendations pertaining to BRA1, and persuaded Jolie that she ought to remove breast tissue in order to mitigate the chances of cancer.

Aniston has succeeded in the removal of the Tomb Raider sex symbol's body parts where she has failed in the past: A 2008 attempted landmine-related amputation - framed to look like an accident - came to nothing when Jolie's visit to a former warzone was cut short due to shooting commitments for the movie Kung Fu Panda.

"We had to get her into the studio to match up her face to her voice - for, like, the computers," explained an animator who had worked on the movie. The computer graphics artist now refuses to be named due to a confidentiality clause in his contract.

More worryingly, in 2010, Aniston managed to smuggle hundreds of live rounds into the ammunitions on the set of the Jolie movie Salt. None of the live rounds hit Aniston's intended target - Jolie's impressive commitment to the action role saw her dodge all of the bullets that were fired at her. However, five members of the movie's second unit stunt crew sustained injuries.

Although Aniston has finally succeeded in one of her dark pranks, she's not resting on her laurels. She's already got an eye on Jolie's upcoming projects - including the fantasy Maleficent, and the Coen brothers' adaptation of a World War II story.