An Early Childhood Chapter 19 Part 2


An Early Childhood Chapter 19 Part 2: Fantasy Land Continued

 An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock surreal autobiography. Its first chapter is here. It parodies misery memoirs (such as Angela’s Ashes by the late great Frank McCourt), as well as science fiction, pop culture, and literature of various kinds.


Continuation from Chapter 19 Part 1.





Act I – Scene VI



INT – A ROOM - 1987 – AFTERNOON



(PADDY FLANAGAN PEERS INTO THE ROOM FROM THE WINDOW. NEAR THE UNCONSCIOUS CLOWN, MAD LEOPOLD CASSIDY SITS ON THE FLOOR, TIED UP. ALONGSIDE HIM IS A HEAP OF THIRTY-ONE KITES.)



FLANAGAN

What are you doing here, Leopold?



MAD LEOPOLD

I’ve been stuck here since 1985, Paddy. And I think I might be preggers. A leprechaun gang buggered me and they tried to take all my kites many moons ago. They said it was revenge against what you’d done – in the future! This clown has been keeping me here. You’re a lot older looking than how I remember you too – when did you come from? Where are we now?



FLANAGAN

I’ve come from ages ago. And we’re in fantasy land, Leopold. Let me get into the house.



(FLANAGAN ENTERS THE HOUSE AND THE ROOM AND SETS TO UNTYING MAD LEOPOLD.)



LEOPOLD

There’s a very scary aeroplane pilot, Captain Larry Weathercape, Paddy. He comes in here and he scares the bejeebers out of me, Paddy. He said he’s going to kill me. He's even worse than the clown!



FLANAGAN

I’m going to take care of him. You just make sure you get out of here.



(MAD LEOPOLD GETS UP.)



LEOPOLD

Do you think I’m preggers?



FLANAGAN

No.



(LEOPOLD NODS.)



LEOPOLD

Will you rear the baba and look after it, if I am preggers?



FLANAGAN

I will. But you’re not, Leopold.



LEOPOLD (WALKING TO THE DOOR)

How will I get home, Paddy?



FLANAGAN

I don’t know, Leopold. How did you get in?



LEOPOLD

The leprechauns set upon me in the alleyway back home. They beat me and held me down and did all sorts. Then they used a comb and the kite material to create a static charge. I got a little shock, and then I just appeared here, a couple of years ago now.



FLANAGAN

Well, here: This is my totem. It might help you to get home, Leopold. I can’t do any more than that. You’ll have to find your own way. Like we all do.



(FLANAGAN HANDS LEOPOLD HIS GOLDEN COMB.)



FLANAGAN

Now I have to get to work finding this evil weatherlock.



(LEOPOLD IS LEAVING.)



FLANAGAN

Leopold?



LEOPOLD

Yes, Paddy?



FLANAGAN

Don’t forget your kites.

Continued in Part 3 of this chapter.