An Early Childhood: Chapter 19 Part 1

An Early Childhood Chapter 19 Part 1: Fantasy Land Continued



Continuation from Chapter 18 Part 3.



 An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock surreal autobiography. Its first chapter is here. It parodies misery memoirs (such as Angela’s Ashes by the late great Frank McCourt), as well as science fiction, pop culture, and literature of various kinds.
Act I – Scene V

EXT A STREET - 1987 – AFTERNOON

GENE HUNT’S QUATTRO PULLS UP OUTSIDE A HOUSE. A SCHOOLGIRL IS PLAYING DOWN THE STREET. SHE IS HOLDING A LOLLY IN ONE HAND AND A HELIUM FILLED BALLOON IN THE OTHER.

WHILE DRAKE AND HUNT WAIT IN THE CAR, FLANAGAN SEES THE GIRL AS HE GETS OUT OF IT, AND IS MYSTERIOUSLY DRAWN TO HER.

GIRL
I love you so much!

FLANAGAN (CROUCHING DOWN ON HIS HUNKERS BEFORE HER)
What’s that, little girl?

THE GIRL SMACKS HIM IN THE HEAD.

GIRL (FROWNING)
Wake up, Paddy!

FLANAGAN
You wha’, Gay?

GIRL
Wake up, I said!

(GIRL’S MOTHER CAN BE HEARD FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.)

GIRL’S MOTHER (VO)
Don’t talk to strangers, you cheeky monkey!

FLANAGAN
Cheeky monkey?

GIRL
That’s what my parents call me now. (SHE LICKS HER LOLLY.)

FLANAGAN
Cheeky monkey?

GIRL
Yes.

FLANAGAN
Why are you called Cheeky Monkey?

(THE GIRL DOESN’T RESPOND. FLANAGAN GETS UP. HE’S WALKING AWAY, FEELING UNSETTLED.
 THE GIRL CALLS AFTER HIM.)

GIRL
My real name is Melanie.

(SHE SKIPS AWAY, EERILY SINGING A CHILDREN’S RHYME. NO LESS SETTLED, FLANAGAN TURNS TO WALK AWAY AGAIN. SUDDENLY, THE WINDOW IN THE HOUSE THAT HE’S WALKING PAST IS PULLED OPEN AND A CLOWN STICKS HIS HEAD OUT, RIGHT UP TO FLANAGAN’S FACE.)

CLOWN
Googly moogly googly! You are here in ’87! Ain’t it time you went to Heaven? Cuckoo cuckoo, cuckoo bananas! Fallaah Lallaah Looo--

(FLANAGAN PUNCHES THE CLOWN IN THE FACE, AND HE FALLS BACK INTO THE ROOM, UNCONSCIOUS. FLANAGAN WALKS BACK TO THE OTHER TWO, RUBBING HIS FIST.)

HUNT
What was all that about?

FLANAGAN (SHRUGGING)
Some clown was annoying me.

(MAD LEOPOLD CASSIDY’S VOICE CAN BE HEARD FROM THE WINDOW FROM WHERE THE CLOWN’S HEAD HAD EMERGED.)

MAD LEOPOLD
Paddy! Paddy!

FLANAGAN GOES TO THE WINDOW AND LOOKS IN.


To be continued in Act 1 Scene 6.