An Early Childhood Chapter 16 Part 2


An Early Childhood by Paddy Flanagan is a mock, surreal autobiography by a fictional Irish literary figurehead, champion bodhrán player and broadcaster.


Continued from Chapter 16 Part 1.

            And Hand Cream Lubricating Skin Smoother from the now defunct Gallaghadery’s Cosmetics was the best kind of cream that was en vogue at that time. Glut was pleased when the cream was placed before him by Billy Boy Cullen, although he hid it well.
Face cream

            “I need some thread from the loom of the Stuntman Mary,” Billy Boy Cullen declared.

            “How much more of that cream you got, sport?” asked the grogoch.

            “I think one half tub of this very expensive stuff is a fair price to pay for invisible thread,” Billy insisted.

            Glut the Grogoch grudgingly placed the spool of invisible thread in front of Billy Boy Cullen. And the exchange was made, with Billy Boy Cullen doodling a motorcar on his clipboard.

            Now, the day before that, Dizzy MacFlash had appeared in front of the stall of Glut, limping with a stick in front of him to take some of his weight. He had told Glut that he had thread from the loom of the Stuntman Mary, and that if he sold it specifically to Billy Boy Cullen, Dizzy would assist in waiving the spiritual debts that he owed to Floudh Rak the Weatherlock. The fact is that Glut had done nothing wrong. The grogoch had just been hanging around with humans too much, and it had angered Floudh Rak.

            The fact is, Floudh Rak was the king of the fairies in the same way that the kingpin of a prison is often a prisoner. And behind the scenes in Funderland, Floudh Rak had a bizarre and twisted scheme set up for me, where he was going to trap me in a screenplay parody.

            The trailer had been the first attempt.

            Black Typo, as my spirit guide, was none the wiser. An unwitting fox in the whole thing himself, Black Typo was duped, Billy Boy Cullen was (momentarily) duped, and I too was going to fall prey to the setup, unless I could find a means of escape from Fantasy Land.

            While I was in Cloud Cuckoo Land, Billy Boy Cullen stood at Platform Seven and a Bit in Pearse Street Station. His Molecular Teaser emitted a ding and he looked at it. He placed his hand on the wall, and tried to press into it. It was solid.
The station in more recent times. Photo courtesy of Rob Ketcherside.

            At the time of going to press, Billy Boy Cullen realised that I was stuck in Fantasy Land, and his thread was now defunct. He stepped away from the platform and walked out of the train station, wondering what he could possibly do now.
Photo courtesy of Rob Ketcherside.

Continued in Chapter 17 Part 1.