Obama's Inaugural Address encumbered by childbirth, assassination

A grey haired Barack Obama's inauguration speech was rudely interrupted last night as he was sworn in a second time as president.

The president is accustomed to disrespect from political opponents, but this time Mr. Obama himself interrupted the proceedings.

America's Kenyan-American leader heaved himself onto all fours with a spine tingling scream, split apart his own trousers with his bare hands and gave birth to what is believed to be his third child, his first delivered maternally.
Moments after this photo was taken of President Obama sucking air into his mouth, he screamed and fell to his knees.

Live news footage shows a shocked Mr. Obama looking down as a bawling and startled newborn emerges from between his legs. Gasps from the crowd were audible before a smartphone was lobbed at the president's head - from a young woman who had moments before been an ardent supporter of the POTUS. The footage - from CBS, NBC, Fox, ABC, and numerous other media corporations - is currently being examined by the Federal Communications Commission. All of the network broadcasters now anticipate hefty fines from the regulator, after indecency complaints were upheld about the live birth.

The confused crowd moments after President Obama spawned a child.
Michelle Obama - displaying supreme elegance in a Thom Brown checkered coat - alongside Sasha dressed in shades of purple and lavender and Malia - showing herself to be blossoming out of childhood in fetching fuchsia - were rushed from the public eye by Joe Biden. However, the Secret Service around the president himself then lost control of the situation.

"I campaigned for that... that thing last year," said a head-shaking Lydia Echeverria, 22, last night. "But I didn't understand what I was seeing. It was making me sick. I had my cell in my hand. He let out a baby right there on the stage. Or whatever. I had the video camera recording on my phone. But I kinda didn't wanna record that. I was like, angry? I didn't understand and I was angry. I felt violated. So I threw what I was recording at him. That's how I felt. I didn't wanna bear witness to that. I just don't understand." Lydia started to whimper, and walked away.

Mr. Obama's subsequent cellphoning to death by the confused and offended and usually well meaning, liberally minded rabble was rounded off with a stampede, and screams of "AntiChrist!" led by a Westboro Baptist Church member, but immediately echoed by all.
Liberals. Photo by Fred Morledge.

David Axelrod had his moustache ripped off at the event