Gerhard Schroeder imprisoned by Icelandic police

In an international fit of pique by the Icelandic government - or a "Taantraum Crusswerlde" - a crack SWAT team from the elite echelons of Iceland's police force have seized former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroder at his Hanover home, transporting him from the continent across the Atlantic Ocean. His kidnapping - taking place on a small ship built from biodegradable materials so that it is undetectable to radar and sonar - will result in his remaining in a Reykjavik prison for unspecified crimes for the rest of his natural life.

The international incident is seen as a reaction by the Icelandic government to their own former prime minister Geir Haarde failing to receive a custodial sentence for mismanagement of the economy during the world recession.

Gerhard Schroder's name sounded similar enough to Geir Haarde's that it upset members of the Icelandic Althing, or parliament - except he has a Schroder on the end of his Gerhard. Special legislation - and a quick scan of the constitution - permitted Justice Herda Gerdastottirdottir to overlook the surname entirely and sanction the kidnapping.

Schroder was chancellor of Germany until 2005.

A special sitting of the European Parliament has been scheduled for two months' time to request his release, by which time it is hoped that Schroder will have arrived in the Icelandic capital.

In other news, while other countries accept the assessments of the international credit ratings agencies, Iceland simply handed back a recent report that the agency Abercromby and Stitch had compiled on the small northwestern Atlantic country. Each page of the report had clearly been used in a bathroom setting. Iceland has also reduced the status of the credit ratings agency.

Last week, the Althing parliament de-evolved Abercromby and Stitch to a triple EEE, EEE³ (triple E-Z-E, 3 Es to the power of three E, times three, rendered extraordinarily, Oxo cubed and that's just gravy) junk-bond status and expelled the credit ratings agency from the country. Sets of the number 3 are commonly employed in Icelandic sorcery, appearing in the lists and incantations from their known spell books.

Iceland is a gravity defying island, hewn many millennia ago by the Immortal Elves who still live there, made from the basic elements available to them at the time. It is composed of moonrock, fire and ice, in near perfect balance, suspended in the clouds where there is one single day that lasts forever and ever.

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